Have I made the right choice?

Time flew, it seems that another month is coming to an end.

How long have it been since I last blogged?

Perhaps I have the intention to shut down this blog, but I really needa vent.

There is no other way in which I can release my frustration, if I don't, I'm afraid I might just give up again.

So here goes..

The silly boy whom I've hurt deeply 2 years ago, came back into my life. 

For 2 years, I've tried to stop all sorts of contact I can have with him.

Which includes not replying. not meeting at all.

But somehow, this year, I've decided I wan to move on.

So, I met him up.

Ok, to keep the whole thing short and private, I've open thy heart and accepted him.

But, happiness didn't last really long for us.

Things always go in the wrong way.

The journey is really tough.

But I choose to hold on, even if I know I shouldn't.

To B,

I'm sorry,  figure out this is the only way I can speak freely without affecting both of us.

As much as I understand you are busy, (though my fren keep saying u shouldn't be, as a officer u should have more time, sound familiar like what you told me huh?) I keep telling myself you are busy due to your dad's company. But are you really so busy that you can't even keep a single promise? Not even a single sms that we have first agreed on? Or those promise are just empty language that you speak? I'm really tired of being the one who initiated the message and and to only get a good morning e next day and that's it. Nothing else if I don't bother to text again.

What happen to those sweet texts that I used to get? Those that always put a smile to my face, the someone who sang because I needa hear his voice. Even through busy hour, what happen to the guy that use to text me?

Perks of a officers, to be able to come out on Wednesday night just to fetch me home. Or even to put a smile on my face before I fly in the middle of the night. Now, it's just me and me. Many a times, I keep thinking should I pop by ur camp to surprise you, just to give you a hug and ask how your day, but I don't know if I should. What if when I'm there, u are not around or you are busy

I don't know what happen as to why we did not get ur parent approval to the extent that, they need to make u date another girl. You refuse to say, and I decided not to add on to ur troubles by asking you more since you told me you will fight for us. But what in exact is happening?

B, I'm really trying to be strong. But I really need you to be going through this with me, not ignoring me. You know how hurtful this is?

Finally, I got to speak my piece. It's time to be strong for us again. Though I don't know when will all this end, but I'm praying hard that it would turn out to be what we have come together for in the first place.

I really shouldn't be falling sick now, it's giving me more negative thoughts. 

It's all my fault.

I'm sorry.